Influence Positive

Influence Positive

(The following sermon was written by my Best Buddy Rev. A. Mano)

Grace and Peace to you from God our Parent and Saviour Jesus Christ, Amen!

Let us pray,

Open our ears O Lord, to hear your word and listen to your voice; speak to us and strengthen our courage that we may serve you as parents and children, today and always. Amen.

Let us hear the Word of God as it is recorded in the Epistle of Paul to the Ephesians, chapter 6, and the first four verses.

A.     The Introduction

Greetings to you all in the matchless name of our Lord and Liberator Jesus Christ, Amen!

Whenever I travel by train or by bus, I am disturbed.  I am disturbed at the sight of children of tender age, roaming around picking rags, thrown away water bottles, discarded news papers, sweeping the train compartments seeking alms, and begging for food, or money to buy food.  Not only in railway stations and bus stations, these boys and girls, called as ‘street children’ are everywhere, sleeping on the pavements and roaming around the streets without a hope of tomorrow.

The 2014 report of the UNICEF says that the ‘School dropouts in India is extremely high with 80 million children not completing their elementary schooling. The frightening truth is that the dropout rate is much higher with girls, who ultimately end up as house maids, as beggars and as forced flesh workers and these today amount to 8 million.

What are the reasons for this dreadful endemic? Some of them might have fled home as a result of the rebuke and abuse of their parents. But for me, one of the reasons for this growing phenomenon is the deprivation of love and care of their parents.

In such a frightening and pathetic scenario of our country, I would like to begin my reflection with an illustration which inspired me a lot.  This is the real story of Benjamin West, who later became a great painter who painted the Altar of St. Paul’s Church, Birmingham.  Benjamin tells how he was moulded into becoming a painter.  His mother’s hobby was painting and she had jealously guarded her painting colors and brushes. She never allowed Benjamin even to stole a glance at them and forbidden him to touch them. One day his mother went out, leaving him to take care of his little sister, Sally. 

In his mother’s absence he mustered courage, discovered the bottles of colorful inks of his mother and began to paint a portrait.  In doing so, he made a considerable mess of things with ink spilled all over.  At this unexpected turn of events, Benjamin was scared so much that his mother would scold him and ultimately punish him. Well, his mother came back home, and saw the mess made by Benjamin. She looked at the frightened Benjamin, without a word, picked up the piece of paper and saw the drawing.  “Oh”, she said in a tender voice of praise and admiration, “it is Sally!”  and drew Benjamin to her, and embraced him with great affection and kissed him. After becoming a great painter, Benjamin would always remember the loving act of his mother and say, “My mother’s hug and kiss made me a painter.” In the life of Benjamin, loving encouragement did more than what a rebuke could ever do.

 B.     The context

 

Somehow, this Epistle passage has always drawn my attention. Apostle Paul was not married, but he speaks profoundly about parent-child relations.  This made me to reflect on this particular passage.

 In Asia Minor, during Paul’s time, Ephesus was one of the important cities, where trade and commerce flourished.  Roman religion infiltrated every aspect of life of the people. As a consequence, when Paul was in prison, he wanted to address the Church at Ephesus on the diverse perspectives of the Church’s witness.  He spoke about the relationships of master and slave, parents and children, rich and poor, and the Jews and Gentiles.  The reason for Paul’s emphasis of the mutual love and respect between the parent and child is that he did strongly feel that parents were the ones who should be responsible for the nurture and nourishment for the growth of their children on the right paths in accordance with God’s tenets.

 During the time of Paul, in Ephesus, the practice of remarriage of the Fathers was very normal. Fathers enjoyed the right to retain, disown, sell and repurchase their children. In this exercise, fathers enjoyed the support and protection of the law of the land, pater familias, the authority of man.  In such a context of continued abuse of children, Paul addresses the parents of their responsibility of shaping the lives of their children according to the laws of God.

  Here Paul uses the term teknon (which means early young children) instead of paidia (which means rearing of children). Teknon usually gives the meaning of addressing the children especially, the early adult children while paidia is the term used to symbolize the kind of training which enhances the character of the children.

             In Judaism, children’s attitude to their parents was often set alongside and seen as an integral part of their relationship to God. In the Greco-Roman context, the children always ran the risk of being rejected and exposed.  In the time of Paul that risk was even greater. 

 We observe how the marriage bonds had collapsed in the Pauline society, and how men and women changed their partners with exceeding rapidity. In that society, children had became the property of anyone who cared for. They were collected at night by people who nourished them in order to sell them as slaves or to stock the brothels of Rome.

             Today, we are living in a modern world with technology encompassing and directing our lives.  As the parents or would be parents of our children, we often are unable to see their perspectives and their interests.  We ignore and become insensitive to their aspirations and impose our thoughts and ideas for their growth and welfare.

             That is to say, that on one hand, in the lives of a vast majority of children in our society, there is no freedom to select or choose their own careers.  We, as parents determine what they ought to become in the future. On the other hand, some parents really motivate and encourage their children to choose their careers and grow according to their own aspirations and dreams.

 In the context of these two dimensions, and two growing trends, both as Christians and as a theological community, we need to spend some time to reflect on our way forward about this. For parents, every child is important.  But this importance relies on how the parents guide their children, inculcate discipline among them and influence their view and way of life, and to be a role model for their children.

C.     The Content

To reflect on this, I have chosen the theme, ‘Influence Positive’ and I invite you to join me to discern this under three Principles: parental love as the guiding principle, parental authority as the principle of discipline, and parental instruction as the influencing principle.

First, the parental love as the guiding principle.

 1.      Parental love as the Guiding Principle

           Paul had already addressed the issue of the subordinate group, women. So, here again he follows a similar pattern, appealing first to the children to obey their parents. They have to obey, as it is part of their commitment to the Lord and such behavior is generally held to be right. Honoring father and mother is enjoined on children by the fifth commandment of the Mosaic Law. Additionally this commandment is the first and foremost in the law that has a promise attached to it.

Understanding child’s temperament is an essential part of creating a strong parent-child bond. It is also a key indicator of how children will respond to parent’s guidance and to the diverse ways of bringing them up that will be most effective.  When the parent observes their child’s behavior, such as the level of activity, emotional intensity, social habits and interactions, adaptability, and persistence, then they can begin to understand which situations may be easy or more difficult for the child’s growth.

 Only when we, as parents understand our children’s behavior parameters, then only we can guide our children in ways that help them to grow and mature. It is possible that we can mould a good behavior, and encourage them to mature through parental love. As a parent, our model should be appropriately reflect our love in the way we talk and walk with them.  Only then, our relationship between us as parents and them as children is strongly bonded over the foundations of love. It’s really wonderful to love and to be loved. However, our parental love instead of guiding them into an uncertain life pattern, should help them to develop a disciplined way of life.  That is, the parental authority embraced by love should be a principle of discipline.

My second thought is parental authority as the principle of discipline.

 2.      Parental authority as the Principle of Discipline

The concept, ‘Discipline’ probably is one of the most misunderstood ones in the parenting vocabulary. When parents talk of discipline they often think of punishments like beating children. In such contexts, children are seen as imperfect images over against the wholesome images of their parents. Therefore they are treated as objects. It is significant that Paul treats them as responsible and respectable persons who could appeal to their parents in obedience for their social and spiritual growth.

 Thus, Paul’s exhortation is very much relevant to us today.  Though it is addressed to both parents and children, he reminds the parents not merely of their authority but of their responsibility as well.

         This responsibility is expressed both negatively and positively. They are not to abuse their authority by making their children angry and hurt. Instead, their rearing of the children should be marked by the sort of training and warning that is determined by their relationship to their Lord and as well as that which educates their children in their faith-tradition. Teaching and correcting of children and inculcating a life of discipline among the children need to be practiced in the light of the Scriptural values that authenticate principles of authority.  

 This leads to my third observation, parental instruction as the influencing principle.

 3.      Parental instruction as the Influencing Principle

        We as parents and future parents often forget the duty of encouraging our children. Rather we often indulge in a behavior of discouraging them in terms of taking a decision.

I know a boy nearby my home, who is an intelligent and excellent student. Due to his health problems he failed in his Higher Secondary exams. If given a chance to clear those referred papers he would have definitely passed in those.  However, when the results were published, his parents severely scolded and beaten him. He could not take the shame, and choose the wrong way of committing suicide. In today’s context most of our children excel in their studies, but due to the intervention of the parents based on their self-esteem, the children fail to achieve a life that offers meaning to them.

            Here, I would like mention a real incident that had happened in Martin Luther’s life.  It was said that Martin Luther’s father was very strict to the point of cruelty.  Having the experience of a disciplinarian as Father, Luther used to say “spare the rod and spoil the child – that is true; but he would also insist that “besides the rod, keep an apple to give the child when it does well.” We should appreciate our children when they understand and appreciate our instructions. This makes a positive influence of companionship and parenthood with our children.

D.     The Conclusion

                In conclusion, I would say that Parents are the real role models for our children to choose what is best for their life and careers. However, they need help and support in this endeavor. This lies in the three principles of love, discipline and instruction that ought to be dispensed by the parents for the rich and resourceful growth of the child. A child choosing the right or wrong path of life, and an enriching view and way of life – all depends on the positive influence of the parents.  

         As a theological community it is our concern and responsibility to become aware of the challenges of offering a ‘positive influence’ and make ourselves and the parents of our local congregations to become aware of the fruits of embracing these principles. For me personally, we often focus only on the limitations of our own selves.  In fact, we need to wriggle out of our narrow mentality of power and authority as parental prerogatives, and embrace our children with parental love that offers guidance, enamored parental discipline that offers a dignified life-style and effective instruction that enlarges their horizons.

 May God bless these words to come alive in our thoughts and actions, amen.